A Silent Past
by Little Box Of Secrets
Summary: Part of "The Silent Series" Rose Spencer's past is a map, riddles with sharp turns and unexpected dead ends. Read about how the confident, clever young woman came to be who she is today.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary**

**Part of "The Silent Series"**

**Rose Spencer's past is a map, riddles with sharp turns and unexpected dead ends. Read about how the confident, clever young woman came to be who she is today.**

**A Silent Past**

_Her First Life Lesson_

A small child sat at the desk in the primary school class room. Her big blue eyes scanning the room with an innocent curiosity, wondering why things were the way they were.

Rose Spencer brushed her shoulder length brown hair out of her face as she looked around her classmates. It was the beginning of the second week of school and she was looking forward to learning something new. Her mum had already taught her how to tell the time, as well as her two times table up to ten. Rose loved to learn, being quick to understand things.

She loved her maths lessons, she was good with numbers. English was a little harder, but she worked even more at it, trying to join her handwriting to make it pretty. Even Welsh was not too bad, though it was one of her worst subjects; it was a challenge and she loved to have something to work at.

But there were a few lessons that she excelled in, but understood very little; like PE. She didn't understand why people would rather run around being loud than read a book, or draw a picture. She could run fast, was very coordinated and understood how to win the games; it was the only reason she was any good. The other children didn't pick her for their teams though, she wasn't very popular, preferring to spend her time alone at break and lunch.

At lunch that Monday, she sat in the corner of the playground, drawing a flower on a scrap piece of paper she had found. It was what you would expect from a small child; five curly petals around an asymmetrical circle, the flower sitting on top of a fat stalk. It was colourless as she only had a basic pencil, but she didn't mind. She took care in her lines, starting to draw some lines at the bottom of the page for grass, when a group of children came over to her.

"Hey stupid." Said the tallest of the girls, dragging out the insult. "What you drawing?"

"A flower." Said Rose quietly. She was shy by nature, keeping to herself. She had found she didn't make friends easily.

"That's a stupid thing to draw." Said a nasty voice from the small group. One of the new things that Rose had learned was that she had trouble remembering names; it hadn't helped her make friends.

"Then don't do it." Retorted Rose just as quietly. Her mum had told her on her first day that if anyone was mean to her, she should stick up for herself. Her uncle also taught her how to throw a punch, but her mum didn't know that. It was their little secret.

"What?" Was the undignified response to her comment.

Rose looked up, blue eyes looking at the group for the first time. She saw they were all girls, but not the nice ones in her class. They were the mean ones. "If you don't want to draw, then don't." It was obvious to the small child on the floor, bullies towering over her.

The tallest girl just pulled a face and walked up to the girl on the floor, snatching her pencil off her. This got a reaction, as Rose got up off the floor and tried to take it back. The girl was taller than her though, and she just held it above her head.

"Give it back!" Rose said loudly, but the teachers were no where near them. The crowd looked on with vicious smiles.

"Make me!" Replied the taller girl, pushing Rose with her other hand. Rose fell on the ground, and she remembered what her mum had said, as well as what her uncle had said.

She pushed herself up, ignoring the stinging in her hands from the fall as she clenched her right fist, swinging towards the face of the taller girl.

Ten minutes later, Rose was outside the headmistresses office, hair in disarray, ice pack on her hand that was slowly swelling. Her mum had been called in, having been told that Rose had given another student a black eye and that she didn't have a good excuse to do so.

As Rose and her mum walked home, Rose having been excluded for the week, her mum turned to her.

"It was Uncle Roy, wasn't it?" Rose just nodded, leading her mum to sigh. _Time to talk with the little brother, I think_, she thought. "There are better ways to go about things, Rose."

"She took my pencil, I didn't even start it." Insisted the small child quietly.

"I know, sweetheart." Said her mum, stopping and crouching down to get on the same level as Rose. She put a hand on her daughters shoulder. "You know what I said about sticking up for yourself, and I stand by it." The woman gave a small smile. "But that doesn't mean you have to hit people."

"Yes, mum." Came the shamed reply from the little girl.

"Come on, I'll tell you about when the lady at work was mean to me." Her mum told the small girl about a few times that workmates or other people had done something mean or nasty to the woman and Rose listened to every word, taking it all in.

A week later, Rose sat in her corner of the playground again, when the same group of bullies came up to her again, but they kept their distance. Then they proceeded to throw paper balls at her; she just sat there, not moving, letting them run out of ammunition.

She had been ready for it though, as her mum had taught her to be. She watched them that morning, learning which trays were their - and learning their names as well. The next day, they all found that their trays had been emptied into the pond on the other side of the school. No one knew how it happened, but the girls had their suspicions, even though the teachers had said that Rose had no reason to do so - unless they admitted their ways - and that there was no proof that it was Rose at all.

It was safe to say that Rose didn't get bullied at break anymore though.


	2. Chapter 2

**A Silent Past**

_Her Family_

They had moved house a few times, Rose and her single parent mum. Their latest house was big, but their neighbours soon moved out. Rose didn't mind, she didn't know them. A while later, they got new neighbours though, and that is when Rose's life started to really change.

It took her a while to realise that her mum and the woman from next door spent a lot of time together, and even longer to realise what it meant. It wasn't long before her mum and the woman next door sat down and explained it all to her and what it would mean.

The woman was going to move in with Rose and her mum, along with the woman's two older sons; Joe and Zach. They were going to be a family and Rose would now have two older brothers. She was ecstatic; she had always wanted siblings.

Joe was five years older than Rose, tall with a mop of brown hair to match her own. He was the one who introduced her to heavier music, things with a heavy bass line and screaming lyrics. She loved it.

Zach was more reserved and moved in a few months after the woman - Tina - and Joe. He was shorter, with a larger build and the same hair as Joe. He was the middle child, being two years older than Rose, and didn't like it. He had wanted to live with his father, but had been made to live with his mother. This didn't help them all settle down.

But they did after a while. They became used to how things worked, Rose's life becoming more structured, her brothers teaching her new things about music and style, science and maths.

One day, Joe had a friend over. Rose sat on the floor in front of the sofa that the two older boys occupied, watching them play their game as usual. She asked a question, the friend just told her to shut up. She didn't mind, she was used to people being a little cold to her from years of a solitary school life.

But Joe didn't think it was right, telling the friend, "Hey man, that's my sister. Don't speak to her like that." He hadn't raised his voice, but it was firm, just a reminder.

Rose had blushed, not used to people sticking up for her, just going very quiet. The friend hadn't said anything more, the subject dropping, the conversation moving on to the other team they were trying to beat in the game.

Later that night, Rose was lying in bed, the music from Joe's computer drifting up the three floor house, keeping her awake a little bit.

She thought about what Joe had said earlier; he didn't need to, she didn't care what his friends thought.

But she thought about the warm feeling in her chest at Joe defending her from harsh words, not knowing what it was. It was nice though, it made her feel like she had a friend of sorts.

The next morning, sitting at the table eating her toast, watching her family bustle about, getting ready for school and work alike, she thought she may know what the strange feeling was; a feeling of belonging to a family.

She just smiled at the thought of having a family.


	3. Chapter 3

**A Silent Past**

_Her Friend_

Rose had left primary school now, and was in high school, mixing with the students from the other primary schools in the area. _Well, not really mixing_, she thought.

When they had first come to the school, they had all taken tests to see what group they would be set in for their main subjects; English, Maths and Science.

Rose had exceeded expectations, having a meeting with her head of year and her mum to discuss the results of the bright young girl. They talked about sending her to a private school, but she told them she wanted to stay. They were sceptical, but obliged.

When she got home, she went to the living room that was allocated for the three siblings, so they had a place to work and play and generally hang out, away from the grown ups.

But Rose found that, though Joe was being just as irritating as usual, Zach seemed to be ignoring her. She left it for a while, thinking it was just her mind playing tricks on her, but as the evening wore on, she became more and more worried about her brother. After dinner, the boys went up to go on their computers, but Rose stayed behind to talk to her mum.

"Is Zach alright?" She asked her parents, helping them put the clean dishes away. "He seems a little quiet today."

Tina just sighed, glancing at Rose's mum is nervousness, the action not missed by the eyes of the girl. "Don't worry about him, he's just jealous."

"Jealous?" Said Rose disbelievingly.

"You scored higher than he did when he did those tests." Explained her mum. "He's just jealous that you're smarter than he is."

"But I'm not!" Rose said obviously. Zach was one of the smartest people she knew.

"It doesn't matter, he's just being silly." Her mum reassured the girl, who nodded and went to read a book in her room, thoughts racing about her brother being jealous.

The next day, Zach still ignored her, and she was starting to think he hated her, that he wasn't going to speak to her again. She didn't know how to sort out sibling arguments, having only been a sibling for a year or so.

So, when she went to registration that morning, her form tutor announcing her brilliant scores, she almost burst into tears then and there; almost. She held them in. As the bell went for first lesson she went to a quiet corner of the building, curling up in the shadows and crying.

That was how Ethel had found her; curled into a tight ball in the corner, shaking with silent tears; it had never made sense to make noise.

"Hey, what's the matter?" Came a soft voice, making Rose look up, tears still falling down her face. Through the water in her eyes, she saw the blurred figure of an incredibly skinny girl with big brown eyes and long white hair, so long it fell past her waist.

Rose sniffed, embarrassed at being found in this state. "I'm fine." She insisted weakly, the lie obvious from her pale, tear marked face and wobbly voice.

"No, you're not." Said the girl quietly, moving over to sit next to the crying brunette, putting an arm around her shoulders. "Want to talk about it?" She asked gently.

Rose just huffed slightly. "My brother is ignoring me because he thinks I'm smarter than him and I'm not, I'm really not! But now he not going to speak to me again, and I don't know what to do!" She said very quickly, starting to sob again towards the end, closing her eyes and burying her face in her arms.

And so the blond girl held the crying brunette, neither of them even thinking about first lesson, or second. After a while, Rose stopped crying and just sat there, not having any more tears to cry at the moment.

"Feel a bit better?" Asked the stranger.

"Yeah, thanks." Said Rose, then realised they didn't have a clue who the other was. "I'm Rose, by the way."

The blond smiled. "I'm Ethel."

Rose smiled. "Nice name." She complemented. "Old fashioned."

"You really think so? Most people just laugh and ask me what my name really is." Said Ethel, seeming surprised at the girls comment.

"Well, I like it." Said Rose, smiling at having met someone she got along with.

"You know what, Rose?"

"What?" She asked, a little wary of the question.

"I think we're going to be good friends, you and I." Ethel smiled, earning a small grin from Rose.

"Well, as my annoying brother says, there's a first time for everything." She chuckled.

Ethel raised her eyebrows a little, but didn't comment. Instead, she offered her knew friend a chance to just take the day relaxing. "Hey, fancy skipping for the rest of the day?"

Rose thought a bit, but soon stopped, knowing over thinking it would do no good. "Sure." She smiled instead, knowing that she would get her internet cut for a week for it, but simply not caring.

After all, she had her friend.


	4. Chapter 4

**A Silent Past**

_A Taste of Hurt_

Rose came into school earlier than usual that day, going to sit in the corner of the corridor that had become theirs over the two years she had been in the old building. After she had made a friend of Ethel, she was introduced to Charlie and Jim; a couple of guys that Ethel hung around with.

Her style had quickly gotten very dark, mainly blacks and blues with the odd touch of green. She had dyed her long curly hair a shocking black to match her style. She wore heavy eyeliner, making her skin seem so much paler. She was one of the smartest in her year, constantly competing with the other couple of clever kids in her class. Today, she had her usual black uniform, but over it was a larger than usual hoodie, done up to her chin, hood covering half her face.

Ethel came into school to find the ball of black clothing huddled in the corner, legs up against her chest, face down. She just went over, putting an arm around the slightly taller brunette. "What's up?" She asked gently.

Rose smiled as she felt the arm around her shoulders; Ethel was such a good friend. "Joe got kicked out last night."

She told her best friend about how Joe had been doing drugs for months, her parents finding them and sending him to his father's. She told her about all the dirty little secrets she had found out the night before; how he had self harmed, sold to people on the streets, done it all very cleverly.

Ethel just listened, squeezing her shoulders, giving words of hope that everything will sort itself out in time. That he would come back and that they would all be alright again.

She was proved wrong a few weeks later, when the blond had come into school, only to find Rose in her usual corner, jacket unzipped, hood up, dark blue eyes curiously lacking in light and life.

Joe had threatened to throw himself off a bridge near where he lived with his dad.

Ethel watched through out the year as her friend broke slowly, picking herself up and carrying on, only to be broken a little more a few weeks later when Joe did something else. The two siblings weren't speaking, they had argued. Rose felt guilty and hadn't gotten in touch again; neither did Joe, making the teen think that he didn't care.

Time passed though, and they went through their exams, passing with flying colours, the thoughts of an uncaring brother one of the topics that they avoided unless Rose needed to get something off her chest. Ethel was always there for her, and so when she came back after the Christmas holidays in their last compulsory year of school, she was surprised and more than a little worried to see that Rose was blank; there was no life in her eyes, she moved as though on auto pilot and was constantly distracted by her thoughts, sometimes staring off into space for what could have been hours at a time.

Rose's other brother, Zach had left for university in London back in September, but they had kept in contact, talking nearly everyday, whether it be phone call, text of through Facebook.

Rose saw Ethel watching her as she sat down opposite her in class. She looked up to see the curious and worried expression on her friends face. "Zach left." Was all she said, but Ethel noted the dead voice she said it with. It was almost detached.

Ethel frowned at her friend. "How are you?" She asked, not knowing what her friend was thinking for once; she hadn't seen Rose like this before, and it was starting to scare her a little.

Rose opened her mouth to reply, only to close it, frowning slightly. "I don't quite know." Ethel just frowned, but class started and they had no time to speak then.

At break though, Ethel noted that Rose kept scratching her right knee; just above it, to the side a little. _She wouldn't…_Ethel thought, knowing what the sign could mean. She had known other people in their school to do the same thing, a few of which had been close friends.

Rose caught her friend looking, and quickly moved her hand away, looking away from the brown eyes that had found hers.

Ethel kept a very close eye on her friend through the week, looking for any more attention to that knee, consciously checking any skin that her friend showed, but to no avail. Rose always wore large baggy clothes, covering her arms at all times. She even wore that bandana that Joe had gotten her a couple of years back on her left wrist, covering most of her hand there.

Friday morning, she caught Rose run a thumb along slowly over the skin on her right knee again and decided to stop what was so obviously happening before it got any worse. Rose beat her to the punch though, starting conversation before the others came to join them.

"I stopped, you know. You don't have to worry." She said in a low voice, not looking at her friend.

"I didn't want to be right…" Said Ethel in the same voice.

Rose just nodded. After the argument with Tina and Zach, Rose had tried talking to her brother many times, texting him both jokes and normal messages of _how are you? _but he never replied. After a week of trying, she had realised he was ignoring her. Tina had been on edge, as had her mother. If Rose was being honest, Tina had being pissing her off for a few months now, but she had never done anything, just going to sit upstairs away from the woman. She didn't want to argue and fight with her parents. She knew what would happen; she had seen it a few times, after all.

But the argument between Zach and Tina had been the last hit to her already damaged self. She didn't care anymore; about Tina, about her mother, about her brothers, about anything. She felt numb and it was maddening.

That was why, after a week of feeling nothing, she had taken one of her razors and smashed the head so that the blades fell free.

That was why, a few weeks of treading on eggs shells at home, and being ignored by now both her older brothers that had once been her rocks, she had six, four inch cuts, just above her right knee.

The pain, the rush of feeling, having the hurt literally bleed from her, streams of crimson life running down her pale skin, only to pool on the floor of the shower, mixing with the water in some sick form of masochistic art, painting itself in her skin, through the blood on the floor. She had smiled after the second time, simply watching it paint itself. _Beautiful_, she remembered.

It had become addictive though, and after seeing that Ethel had found out, seeing the worry and disappointment in her eyes, she decided she couldn't do it anymore. She hated to disappoint people, so she had thrown the blades away, deciding that she wouldn't do it again, no matter how tempted.

But that didn't mean she didn't _want_ to.

She looked up to see her friend, the one who had helped her before she even knew her name, the one who had stuck by her through thick and thin. She felt so ashamed it was like she had been winded.

"I'm so sorry." She choked out, tears leaking from her suddenly emotion filled eyes.

Ethel got up from her place and went to hug her friend; so broken and so hurt. She knew that her friend's parents had no idea; they never paid enough attention to her to see the broken girl in front of their eyes.

Rose just let it all out, finding that she had held it in for far too long; all the abandonment, the sadness, the lost feeling, the guilt, and above all the hurt.


	5. Chapter 5

**A Silent Past**

_A Change_

After she had cried to Ethel, Rose had decided that she had to get her life straitened out.

She got her head stuck into her school books, bumping up her grades - that had fallen a little over time - a couple of steps. Her teachers never asked her questions anymore, knowing that she knew the answers.

She threw herself into studying human behaviour, as school wasn't a distraction enough. She owned - and had read several times apiece - over twenty three books of psychology and human behaviour, all covering different topics. She knew most of it off by heart.

She always spent time looking at people; how they moved, how they interacted with each other. She used her knowledge to find out things about people that know one else saw; for example, she knew who the teachers in her school were sleeping with within the school, with out hearing a single rumour about it.

She got herself an evening job, working at the local theatre backstage, and working with a children's club on Saturday mornings.

She helped Ethel and another friend - Sid - realise their love for each other, setting them up on dates and such.

She also changed her style, going for mainly blacks still, but started showing her figure off now and then, as well as her arms. She never wore skirts, both because she didn't like them, and she didn't want people to see her knee; she wasn't ashamed, but it wasn't who she was anymore and she knew people would only judge her for it.

Ethel also suggested that she take the time to learn to walk in heels, and so she did; all three months worth, getting up in the morning, getting ready and putting on a pair of narrow heeled boots and not taking them off until she went to bed that night.

She had also changed her personality drastically. She was colder to strangers, but was a friendly - if very sarcastic - person to those who she knew, though she still didn't trust easily. She was more confident in her movements, even when she was at her lowest and didn't know where she was going, she always made sure it didn't show.

She practised hiding her emotions and - though Ethel didn't know it, for good reasons - practised suppressing pain. She didn't do anything that would be visible on the surface of the skin, the worst being a bruise and she always made sure it could be covered if it did leave a mark. She started her heel training shortly after, as well as asking her uncle for self defence lessons, taking to going to the gym on Sundays, spending the whole day just burning away any fat and building muscles.

But even as she threw herself into her work - school, career and physical - she still lay awake at night, wondering if she should take up a blade again. The thoughts stopped eventually, only coming to haunt her in her darkest hours. But as she started to turn her life around, she had a new problem she needed to think about.

Both her parents smoke, as did Joe, and her Uncle Andrew on occasion. Zach hated smoking with a passion, but Rose was a little torn. She had grown up around the smoke, had a family of smokers, as well has having several friends who smoked. She had come to like the second hand smoke they gave to the world, and found that when she was very stressed, she craved it.

It was early April when it happened.

She had gone downstairs at eight in the morning, mind set on some jam on toast for breakfast. She still lived with her parents, though she barely saw them. They hadn't questioned her change, and sometimes she wondered if they had even noticed.

Striding into the small, white kitchen however, she found both her parents leaning against the counter, both with angry expressions on. It was then that Rose remembered that it was a Tuesday; Tina didn't have work on Tuesdays. This did nothing for her slowly declining mood. She tried to avoid her parents when she could, not that they noticed; they just thought she was working.

"Morning." Rose started, making her way to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of Oasis, thinking that she could afford to skip breakfast if it got her out of there sooner.

"What's this?" Said Tina lowly, holding up a piece of paper. Rose's keen eyes caught the school logo at the top of the page, but she knew she didn't receive any detention or anything like that.

"I don't know, why don't you tell me?" She said tightly. Tina ground her teeth loudly.

"It's a letter from the school." Supplied Rose's mother.

_Well, durh! _Rose thought, but she didn't say it. Instead she just held the lid of the bottle of drink and leaned against the counter top. "What's it about?"

"You're failing one of your subjects, and you didn't think to tell us?" Said Tina angrily. Rose just frowned, holding out a hand for the letter. _Failing? _She hadn't failed anything in years, her obsessive need for a distraction and a challenge had made sure of that.

Looking at the letter, it said that she was _falling behind _in the Welsh Baccalaureate course. She suppressed an eye roll; she didn't count or even need the Welsh Baccalaureate they offered. Her parents disagreed. No, correction; _Tina _disagreed, her mother just went along to keep Tina happy. It pissed Rose off to no end.

"It says I'm falling behind, not failing." Stated Rose coolly, but thinking that she knew where this was going.

"That's the same thing!" Insisted Tina loudly, daring Rose to contradict her.

It was one of the things that Rose hated about Tina; she always said things were one thing, when they really weren't, and Rose wasn't allowed to correct her. It was seen as answering back.

So Rose just bit her tongue - literally - sharply, letting her jaw relax as soon as she had done it. It was enough to stop her speaking her thoughts, yet it wasn't enough for her parents to see her do it.

"Well, either way, I don't need it. I'd rather spend my time working on my other subjects." They had had this talk before, and last time Rose had just agreed and let it drop. Not this time. She was her own person and could do what she liked, whether her parents liked it or not. Under Tina's own logic, Rose Spencer was an adult now, having turned eighteen the month before.

"You will work on it, and you will pass." Said Tina, looking at Rose with a look of such fury that it would burn most of the people in Newport. Rose wasn't most people, and knew how to handle it.

She stood up straight, walked through the doorway next to her, and carried on through to the hall, ignoring the shouts of "Don't you walk away from me!"

She grabbed her coat quickly, slipping on her steel toe cap boots as she did so, not bothering to do up the laces, walking to the front door. As she got there, she opened the door, and looked back to see a fuming Tina and a worried looking mother. Rose looked to her mother in defiance first, then moved her gaze to Tina, eyes freezing over as they only did for those who angered her most.

Looking her in the eye, Rose stated two words calmly. "Bull shit." With that, she walked out the door, slamming it behind her, making the whole house shake.

She made her way around the estate she lived on, the argument not being the first she had had with Tina. She doubted it would be the last either.

As she walked, she felt the beginnings of a head ache start, knowing it would last for several days, as always.

However, she pushed the pain back, keeping her pace. Turning a corner she saw a familiar face, complete with worn clothes and mop of tea coloured hair. She smiled making her way to the young man leaning against the wall of a shop. He looked up as she approached, smiling a cheeky smile which she returned.

"Hey Sim, how's it going?" She said waling up to him, leaning on the wall next to him.

Simon was taller than she was, with a mop of long brown hair, the colour of a really strong cup of tea. He was what most would classify as a skater, and while he could skate quite well, he was still a cool guy. They had gone out once, but it didn't work out. They stayed friends though, both knowing that it wouldn't have worked. At the moment, he was wearing a pair of baggy ripped blue jeans and a baggy ripped t-shirt, black trainers on his feet.

"Hey Rosie. It's all good so far. This ain't your usual haunt, not at his time anyway. What's up?" He knew her quite well, as well as her regular schedule, so the fact that she was here and not at the school was a bit of a surprise to the young man.

"Ah, just arguing with Tina again. Not a good one either." She told him.

"I see." He said nodding. "Well, you know where I am if you need a shoulder…or anything else." He carried on with a wink. He was always flirting with most of the girls, and was one of the few people to call her _Rosie._

She just chuckled, pushing his arm gently. "So what you up to out here?"

They talked for a bit, then when Sim went into the shop to work the tills, she joined him for a bit. After a few minutes, her troubles were left behind and she just relaxed with a friend for once.

"Shouldn't you be at school anyway?" Sim asked after an hour of relaxing with the young woman.

She just shook her head. "I only go in early to get work done. The only lessons I have today is double Welsh Bacc. fourth and fifth. I only go to it to use the computers and get other work done. I'm sure I can take a day off for once." She explained.

"Well, if you want, you can work here for the day. I'm sure my dad wont mind. We'll even pay you!" He replied.

She laughed at his attitude. "I'll work, but you don't have to pay me. It's always fun to work here."

Sim's dad owned the shop, Sim having dropped out of school to work a full day in the shop. It was where she usually went to relax or hang out, often lending a helping hand when they were very busy.

At one in the afternoon, they closed up shop for a bit and went to lunch at the café around the corner.

Half way through their lunch however, Rose got a text on her mobile.

_School says you didn't turn up for lesson today._

_We will talk about this when you get back._

Rose slammed her phone on the desk, making several lunch eaters jump at the sudden noise. Sim frowned as his friend took the battery out of her phone and sat their with a dark expression on her face. Anyone passing wouldn't notice the shadow in her eyes, the twitch of tension in her jaw. But Sim wasn't any stranger.

"Come on." He said, standing up. "You can explain while I have a cigarette." They both knew by _explain_, he really meant _vent. _He had learned the hard way that bad things happened when Rose stayed angry for too long.

They leaned against the wall again, Sim now with a white stick in his hand, blowing smoke out. Rose carefully made sure to breath in when he exhaled; a trick she learned a while back. It helped clear her head a little, but the head ache was still there, pounding away like a small child on a drum.

"…so, I leave and walk around a bit, find you and that's about it. Then she sends me this bloody text about talking when I get home, because I skipped class! _Argh!_" She stood there, glaring at the drain on the floor, still angry, but glad to have told someone about it all.

As she had explained what was going on, Sim noticed she kept eying the cigarette in his hand. He waited a beat after she stopped talking, then turned his head to look at her.

"Want a drag?" He offered her, holding the stick up to her. He saw her inhale the fresh smoke from the stick itself, then noticed the battle in her eyes. "You're eighteen, you know." He told her softly. "You can smoke if you want to."

That was all it took for her hand to come up and take the cigarette from him.

She brought it to her lips, pulling on it, feeling the burning in her lungs, but not letting herself cough. She held it for a moment, closing her eyes at the sensation of the nicotine hitting her system, her whole body relaxing from it. She exhaled, eyes still closed, opening just in time to see the smoke billow around her. She watched it with a familiar fascination; one she hadn't felt since she took a blade to her skin. She thought about it for a second and realised it was the feeling of her own self destruction.

She didn't care.

She took another pull on the cigarette, then handed it back to Sim, who had been watching her carefully. As she raised her eyes to meet his, she coughed and smiled up at him.

"Thanks. I've need that for too long I think." She said lowly.

"No problem." He replied. He had been smoking since he was fifteen, used to sharing his little habit with friends when either he or them didn't have one. "You alright?" She nodded, so he checked his watch. "We should get back then. You got work tonight?"

She was so grateful to Sim that she ended up actually hugging him when she left; something she hadn't done in over a year to anyone other than her mother or Ethel. Anyone else got a hand shake at most.

She made sure she only had just enough time to get ready before she had to leave fore work when she got home that evening; she was back to avoiding her parents. She knew they would catch up to her, but if she could put it off for long enough that she could work out what to say, she would be fine.


	6. Chapter 6

**A Silent Past**

_The Silent Misery_

Rose Spencer had been smoking for five years now, her parents knowing nothing about it. The only people who did were Ethel - because she knew everything - Sim and a few other friends and work colleagues. She kept her smoking down to one a day, if any, and two on really bad days.

She had finished her A Levels, getting A's in maths, art and performance and an A* in psychology. She was proud of that A* above anything else. She failed the Welsh Bacc. but she didn't care about that, she laughed when she saw it; and her parents faces at the information.

She now worked at the theatre in the evenings, working with the children on Saturdays, same as always. But in the day, she worked full time in Sim's dad's shop. It was good money, and she was happy, for the most part. She still lived with her parents, not having been able to get a flat or anywhere else.

When she got home from Sim's shop - as she had grown to call it - she found her parents sitting on the sofa waiting for her. _Not good_, she thought, _never good._

She sighed, going to sit in the chair in the corner, watching her parents closely. Her mother looked worried and as though she had been crying. Tina looked regretful and disappointed. _Ah, so that's what it is, _she thought regretfully.

"We think you should find a job." Tina said, jumping straight into it.

"I have a job." Replied Rose, speaking as though they were talking about the whether.

"A proper job." Elaborated her mother.

"I have a proper job." Rose countered.

"No, you don't." Said Tina looking annoyed.

"Ok, well I have a place where I got to work for several hours a day, and at the end of every week, I get paid for my time." Rose explained, as though there were some form off difference.

"Don't get snarky, Rose." Said her mother, looking tired.

"I'm not getting snakry, or defensive or answering back." Said Rose quickly, knowing that she wouldn't have much of a chance. "I'm simply saying-" And there was the interruption.

"You were doing well in school, you came away with some good results at the end of it, but you didn't move on. You're just too scared to, we understand." Tina said, trying to relate, but only making it worse. Rose hadn't been scared in years. She hated the very idea of having such a weakness.

Rose took a deep breath, finding herself wishing that it was through a cigarette. She had found her favourite brand about a year after she started; Mayfair Menthols. She loved anything minty, and the menthol sticks had soon become her favourite to have. They also weren't as recognisable to the two Lambert and Butler smokers.

"What's your point?" She asked steadily.

"Well, we want you to get a real job." Said Tina, thinking she was finally getting through to the troublesome young woman.

Rose bit her tongue for a second before speaking in a tight voice that only her mother picked up on. She was always the first to notice out of the two parents when Rose was getting annoyed, not that it did any good; Rose had long ago started to ignore her mothers warning looks. "Define _real job_."

"Well, one that pays for a start." Tina said.

"The shop pays." Retorted Rose.

"Well." Replied Tina. It was like a weird and slightly scary verbal tennis.

"Well." Affirmed Rose, defending her choices.

"Not well enough for you to get your own place." Said Tina, and edge to her voice.

"Finally, the real reason." Muttered Rose. "I have my name on the council list for all of Newport and Cardiff. There simply isn't anything going."

"You could actually try looking." Suggested the pedantic older but shorter woman.

"Oh, because I have so much free time between two jobs." Smiled Rose sarcastically.

"You could take a holiday."

Rose gave a humourless laugh. "Alright. Let me get this straight, see if I am actually hearing what I think I am. You sit me in here, to talk about my lack of a job, when I have two. Then suggest that I obviously don't have a good enough job, because I cant get my own place." She looked incredulous at the last point. "And that I should take time off my underpaid two jobs, to look for a place. Is that about right?" She looked between them, wondering which would crack first. As it happens, it was her mother.

"You're wasting your life away! You are a bright girl, and you're just wasting it away. Every day you're becoming more and more like Joe!" She said, tears leaking from her eyes, voice raising.

But she had said the thing that made Rose fight back more than anything; she had taken a hit towards her brother. Rose just sat up at the confrontation, raising her chin slightly, eyes getting a few shades darker.

"Joe's in college, I'll have you know." Tina snorted, a look of disgust on her face. Rose snapped her gaze to the woman. "Studying music, going to be a music teacher."

"As if anyone in their right mind would hire a junkie!" She said with a mocking sneer. How she could be so mocking towards her own son, Rose would never know.

Rose decided to fight fire with fire, giving Tina the look she reserved for the younger students she had on the Saturday mornings, speaking in a teacher's voice; patient when explaining the simplest of things. "You do know he hasn't got a record, don't you?" Tina bristled at the tone.

"You had so many plans!" Said her mother, getting back on topic before they went too far.

"Yeah, learn, pass exams, then get a job. I think I've done pretty well on that one." Said Rose getting annoyed now, and showing it. _Fuel to the fire, _came to her mind, but she paid it no attention.

"You're just wasting your life!" Her mother said again. "You're not happy, I can tell!" They locked eyes for a second.

"And I wonder why that is." Rose said quietly. "Now if you will excuse me, I have to get ready for work." She stood up. "And don't worry." She added with a snide smile. "As soon as I get an offer for any where, I'll take it. Get out of your hair."

She made her way to the stairs, fighting the urge to get out a cigarette then and there, but it wouldn't help anything. Her parents may smoke, as does the majority of her family, but every time someone started up, all hell broke loose. _Hypocrites, _she thought. A voice caught her though before she got through the door.

"You're just an ignorant child, trying to be an adult, but failing at every hurdle." Said Tina spitefully.

Rose turned to her and starred in disbelief. "And you're a hypocritical, argumentative woman, who judges people on the single mistake they made in the past, too stubborn to apologise and too scared to let a little pride slip." She had stated it all calmly, as though reading g it from a book. The effect it had was the tipping point though, they all knew that.

"If you're so grown up, go then. Live your life!" Tina mocked with anger.

"Alright." Rose saw her mother put a hand to her mouth, suppressing a sob. She looked back at the woman who had been pissing her off for just under ten years. "Alright. You win. I will quit my job at the theatre and the one at the shop. I will leave the job I have been working at for over eight years, despite the fact that I am up for promotion. Yeah, was going to become director, big pay and all that. Eight years of volunteer work shows a bit of commitment, I suppose. And you wont have to wait for me to get that place on one of the lists. I'm gone." With that, she turned and left, leaving behind all but her coat which held her cigarettes, lighter, keys, money, and half a pack of gum. Her phone was in her jeans pocket.

She didn't slam the door, knowing from several arguments and fights, silence was so much worse for the loser.

She made her way to Sim's place. They had grown closer over the years, getting up to all sorts of mischief, but never getting caught thanks to his knowledge of the streets, and her knowledge of how to work the system. She would have gone to Ethel's but her and Sid had gone up to London, as he got a radio deal that he just couldn't refuse. They were engaged now as well. Rose was ecstatic for them, but couldn't help missing her friend who was more like a sister to her.

Rose lit up on her way, being half way through the stick when she knocked on the door of her friend's. It opened to show Sim looking happy at the sight of her, but he soon became worried at the look in her eyes.

"Got a spare shoulder?" She asked in a small voice. She was trying to hold it all in, but she was starting to break and he could see it. He let her in and she just cried in his room for the night, the pair of them eventually falling asleep.

When she woke up the next morning, Rose found that Sim was still asleep, one arm wrapped around her waist. She carefully extracted herself, heading for the bathroom for a shower. She knew where everything was, even helping herself to one of Sim's clean t-shirts before going down to grab some buttered bread. It wasn't her first time sleeping over, or in his bed or even his arms. She smiled at how they worked. If either need the other for anything, they were there; just how they worked.

She curled up on the sofa, eating her buttered bread - not having the stomach or bother to toast it - drinking her tea, thinking about what to do next.

She needed her things, but didn't want to see her parents again so soon. She thought a while, working out a plan of action before Sim came down the stairs. He was lucky enough to live on his own.

"Morning." She said with a sad smile.

"Mornin'." He muttered as he headed for the kitchen, not quite awake yet. She just smiled.

She spent the day going through her mental list of things to do. She called Zach - who had started speaking to her again after while - asking if he could put her up for a few days. He said he could, but she would have to wait a few days so he can get everything straightened out. They agreed that she would come down in one week. She could stay with various people here and there until then; probably Sim mainly.

She had gone to town, having worn wide, dark shades and a scarf she borrowed, getting a copy of the house key. This way she could still get in without too much fuss, but her parents wouldn't know it.

She also called in at the theatre, requesting to have a few weeks off to see what she is actually going to do. They said she could take a month, but after that, they would have to have some form of an answer. The promotion was also still open for her, if she wanted it. It was one of the few reasons she wanted to stay.

That night, she stayed up until the early hours of the morning, only going to sleep at six. It was part of her plan to get her things back, but to carry it out, she needed to do it at night, meaning she had to be awake, but also alert enough to not get caught. So, she slept most of the day, getting up about five in the evening. Sim had agreed to help her with her plan - which he thought was genius - but had to work that day, waking her up when he got home. She cooked dinner for them both, then they played the Xbox for a few hours, waiting for the right time. She kept him awake through excessive cups of coffee and he didn't complain.

At two in the morning, they got up, putting on gloves and dark clothing, so to not be caught. They made their way to her old house; it wasn't home anymore, hadn't been for a long time.

They waited for a few minutes to make sure that no one was awake, before crossing the street and going up to the front door, Rose taking out the spare key she had made and unlocking the door quietly. Pulling the door towards her, she pulled down the handle slowly, making no noise what so ever. The two dogs they had once had for pets had died, so the only people to wake would be her parents, but she had crept out of the house several times, creeping back in at the early hours of the morning two dozen times at least, so she wasn't worried, confident in herself. Sim trusted her enough, as well as trusting himself to get out of there if it all went wrong.

Once inside, she closed the door in the same manner, then listened for a few seconds, hearing the deep snores of her parents two floors up; her room was on the middle floor, making their task a lot easier.

They snuck up the stairs, only treading on the far sides to avoid the creaking of the middle, freezing every time they heard a sound, even if was them who had made it.

They finally got to the top of the stairs, seeing her door right in front of them. She looked to Sim, smirking in the dark but he saw it, smirking back.

In her room, Rose set to work quickly. She grabbed a large duffle bag from the corner, stuffing it with clothes that she wears most often, a few pictures and anything else she may want, placing her laptop on the top, tucking the charger into the side. Doing one more look over the room, she zipped up the bag, triple checking she had everything she needed for at least three weeks.

Looking at the clock on the wall, she saw they had about half an hour before they would be a little pushed for time, so she decided that she would clean the room before she left. It would make it all final, make sure she knew where everything was when she came back for it at some point, and assure her that she really did have everything.

It took her five minutes to get everything straightened out as she usually kept a tidy room, not liking the mess. When she was finished, she picked up one handle of the large bag, now the size of a large, bulky television set, looking up to Sim who took the other one. Together, they managed to get it down the stairs quietly, Rose opening the front door again as she had before, going through it, and locking it when they had the bag through the door. She took out the small envelope she had put together earlier that day; it was the size of half a post it note, made of thick, deep blue paper and held her original house key to the house they had just come from. She opened the letter box, slipping the envelope into the letterbox, hearing the soft landing it made on the carpet of the hall. She let the letter box close softly again, turning away.

Standing across the street, Rose looked up to the house she had called home for over ten years of her life, a single, fat tear trickling down her face. She felt a hand take hers, fingers weaving between hers in a familiar, comforting way. She looked up to see Sim looking down at her. He raised his other hand, wiping away the tear with a rough thumb and smiled sadly at her.

"Come on, let's get back, eh?" He said softly, making her nod.

As they slowly made their way back to Sim's flat, stopping every now and then to rest their hands from the weight of the bag, Rose couldn't help but think of her brothers.

Joe; who was always a pain in the neck, but looked out for her. He did what he wanted, but he was never arrogant about it. He had been kicked out of home.

Zach; always distant but still looking out for her, though not really in the traditional way. He had done what he wanted, but had been sneaky about it, lying and manipulating people to get what he wanted. He left for university, only to come back and argue and leave again, only not getting kicked out because he didn't live there anymore.

And now her; dependant only on a few people, her parents not being two of them. She had done what she wanted, when she felt it was needed - like getting her clothes - and had done it in such a way that people rarely knew she had done anything at all. She was silent, though hated the silence itself. Sim knew this and had started to sing.

"_So scared of breaking it, but you won't let it bend."_

She looked up at him, smiling at the lyrics, carrying on from where he left off.

"_And I wrote two hundred letters that I will never send."_

He took their little activity with a little more humour now; singing together was one of their little quirks that they did often; usually to try and cheer the other up.

"_Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper than they seem." _

She took the next couple of lines.

"_You'd rather cover up, I'd rather let them bleed." _

She smiled at the memory, even if it was a little morbid; Sim knew her past well, not judging her for it one little bit. She was always grateful for it.

"_So let me be, and I'll set you free."_

With that they burst into the chorus, singing together in harmony, Rose taking the echo's when they came about, not giving a damn that it was half three in the morning and everyone would be asleep.

"_I am in misery! There ain't nobody who can comfort me. Why won't you answer me? The silence is slowly killing me, oh yeah! Girl you really got me bad, you really got me bad. I'm gonna get you back, gonna get you back."_

He stopped then, freezing in the street mid dance.

"_Your salty skin and how it mixes in with mine."_

The beat picked back up in their minds, and they jumped back into their little dance down the streets, both smirking at the freedom they felt, Rose picking up where Sim left off.

"_The way it feels to be completely intertwined."_

Sim looked at her, shrugging as he sang.

"_Not that I didn't care, It's that I didn't know."_

Rose just laughed, shaking her head as she carried on singing the catchy lyrics.

"_It's not what I didn't feel, It's what I didn't show."_

He looked to the starry sky, watching the world go by as they wandered the streets they knew off by heart.

"_So let me be,_

_And I'll set you free._"

And that was how they spent their walk back to Sim's place; singing and dancing into the night, swinging the bag of Rose's life between them, simply enjoying their time together and ignoring the cards life had dealt her for a little while.

After all, the life had plans that would unfold in time. Rose Spencer deserved to have a few days peace before her world turned upside down, even if she would enjoy her new life.


End file.
